Tuesday, November 11, 2008

In Class Assignment - Wednesday November 12

The Brown Paper Bag
His hands trembled as he lifted the bottle in its brown bag to his lips. He toasted the bridge he lived under, and took another swig. Leaning back on the pilings of the bridge, he listened to the cars and trucks whooshing over his head. He raised his bottle and proposed a toast to the traffic. The bottle did not feel as full as it once did. “Shomebodyshbeendrinkin’mymechcine.” He hiccupped. He gave his bottle another shake, holding onto it tightly so it would not slip out of his hand, on to the rocks below. Through blood shot eyes, he followed the river as it flowed to the ocean. His hand shook as he lifted his bottle again. He didn’t toast anything this time. He chug-a-lugged his wine as he tried to quench his thirst. His Adam’s apple bopped as the red sweet liquid flowed down his throat. A chill wind blew under the bridge so he pulled the remains of his coat around him and flipped the collar up to give his ears a little more warmth. His matted, greasy dirty blonde hair fell around the collar like the spider webs under the bridge. `Ishneedanewcoat.` he muttered to the wind. Holding his bottle with both hands he rubbed the four-day growth on his chin. He wondered if he could walk to Sally Ann for a new coat. They might even give him a bit of food. On shaky, wobbly legs, he got to his feet. He looked at his feet. `Whershmyshoes?’ he thought. He wiggled his toes and rubbed his foot on the rocks. He looked at them as if they were not attached to his body but some dismembered parts that had washed ashore with the tide. The cold of the rocks slowly penetrated his soles and he involuntarily shivered, reminding him that those toes and feet were actually part of his broken inebriated body. He lifted the bag and bottle again – a little too quickly. Wine spilled over his chin, creating little red rivulets that twisted their way through his beard, and trickled down his dirty shirt, finally soaking into the rags of his tattered brown coat. He wiped his mouth with his sleeve. He tried to take a step but the unevenness of the ground and the wasted condition of his brain combined forces against him. He fell hard on the rocks a crumpled, twisted bit of broken humanity, his ugly dirty coat thrown over him.
Early morning sunrays reflected off the river and shimmered on the underside of the bridge. The dirty overcoat groaned in his agony. A family that had ventured down to the river’s edge looked up, startled to realize that they were not alone. He moved from under his dirty brown coat and noticed the youngest of the family. Looking through his bleary eyes, he saw only the gold of her hair. He could make out nothing else. His mind played tricks on him sometimes. He rubbed his eyes. His hands shook as he rubbed. His throat was dry. He needed something to drink real badly. He reached out a hand to free himself so that he could look for his bottle. He could not take his eyes off her as he felt around himself and under himself. He finally found the familiar shape and gripped it tightly. Lifting it to his chapped and bleeding lips, he tried to eke out just another drop.
He noticed movement around the yellow hair. Someone else was there. He felt someone was looking at him.
“Can ya spare a toonie, mate?” he asked of the golden hair.
“Come on, Jennifer. Leave the man alone.”
“He needs a toonie, Dad. Can’t we give him a toonie?”
“Jennifer, come on. Leave the man alone.”
“Yousureareanicegirl,” He slurred.
He could not take his eyes off the young girl. Something in his mind told him there was something about the gold hair that he should know about. He rubbed his face with a trembling hand. Whatwasithewashewassushposhedtoremember? He wondered.
Gold hair. Gold hair. He knew his mom had gold hair. But that was not it. Gold hair.
“Jennifer, we have to go. Come on.”
Jennifer, gold hair. Jennifer, gold hair. There was a connection there.
He tried to get a little more wine out of his bottle. It was empty. The brown paper bag it had been in, was damp and ripped. Useless. Both the bottle and the bag.
“But Dad, the man needs a toonie.”
“Jennifer. That’s enough. If we give him the toonie, he will just spend it on more booze.”
“Thashnottrue.” He said. “I’ll shpenditonfoodatShallyAnn.”
The words did not come out very clear but he hoped they would give him the toonie. He was getting desperate for a drink, now.
Jennifer, gold hair. He could not help thinking there had to be a connection. He wished he had a drink to clear his head a bit so he could think. He squeezed his eyes shut so he could think better. Besides the bright sun was hurting his eyes.
“Mister. Mister. My dad has a toonie for you.”
He opened his eyes and the shiny gold of the hair blended in with the sunlight. He could not tell which was which anymore. He leaned against the bridge piling and looked up into the face of the gold hair. He looked and he remembered. The cloudiness of his mind lifted like the fog on the river and he saw and remembered his own sweet girl, looking down at him so many years before.
She pressed the toonie into his hand. The touch of her hand and the gentleness in her voice was too much for him and he wept. Gold hair touched his face and he wept even harder. She turned and left him.
The brown paper bag lay flattened, damp and broken.


Assignment: WORK IN GROUPS OF THREE OR FOUR TO EDIT THIS PIECE
1. Read through the story, making corrections along the way.
2. Read through the story one paragraph at a time and edit it. Do not hesitate to cross out whole sections that you believe should not be in there.
3. Read through the story again. Is the title appropriate? What other changes would you make? How would your changes affect the theme of the story? Is there a theme?
4. Can you tell that the person who wrote this is a Christian? If you were going to make it so that it was a true slice of life, yet Christian, how would you change it?

29 comments:

Mr. Siebenga said...

Let me be the first to post a comment on our blog. This is just to make sure it is up and running and that it is easy to post blogs.
I look forward to hearing from you.

AJajAJ said...

I think that the title "The Brown Paper Bag" is very fitting for this short story . I think that if a title like, "The Man Under The Bridge" or "Gold Hair" were used the whole perspective would be shifted, either to the bridge or to the girl. But using the paper bag title, the mans alchoholism and his need for money is is stressed. It empesizes the fact that he is very poor. I think that the title is very fitting for the story.

Unknown said...

The title for this story was fitting. It totally made sense. The title doesn't give away any of the story as another title may have.The man in this story was poor and lived under a bridge. He hid his alcohol in a brown paper bag so that people wouldn't know what he was drinking. The title is a good, well fitted one that suits the story.

Ian said...

The title for this story was fitting in my opinion. This title conveys a bit of a sense of what the story is about. When reading this title you can tell that this story could quite possibly have to do with an alcohol addiction. Something I would change in this story is that I still think, as we discussed in class that the homeless man should be drinking something other than wine. I don't think that a lot of people use wine to get drunk. I would use whiskey if i were writing the story but that's just my opinion.

Sean said...

I think the title is appropriate but I also think this short story could have many other titles because the story is not totally about the brown paper bag."The Girl with Golden Hair" could have been a good title because the story had a lot to do with the girl and her hair.But the title "The Brown Paper Bag" I think is an appropriate title for the short story.

John Siebenga said...

This is looking good. So far four for four with the title. Maybe the author will explain what he meant with the title after all 26 of you have responded.

Brittanie said...

I must admit upon first reading through the story my thoughts were leaning towards the title being rather "dumb". As I read it through for the second time I realized something. I realized that the brown paper bag could very well be a representation of the man. It's as if the brown paper bag represents his life. His life must have not started out to bad, a few wrinkles maybe a couple tears. As his life progressed obviously something went wrong otherwise he wouldn't be sitting alone, drunk and homeless. "The brown paper bag lay flattened, damp and broken." To me I think that's a metaphor for how the man must have felt at that point.

Andrea said...

I think the title ' The Brown Paper Bag' fits your short story. Just by reading the title you don't want to know the whole story but you usually get curious. A brown paper bag doesn't tell much but as soon as you read the opening paragraph you picture this old drunken man and picture that tattered brown paper bag. I think this title is appropriate and gives just enough of the story to get you to read it.

Hannah said...

The Brown Paper bag is an appropriate title for this story. When you start reading the story you look at the title and you say to yourself that doesn’t make sense.When you read the first paragraph it explains the old drunken man and the brown paper bag. The brown paper bag was the bag that the man hid his wine.

brendan said...

Sure! The title fits the story very well. Partly because that is what everyone else is saying and partially because i couldnt think of a better title. If the last line of the story had said something different, the title would not fit. The mans life was based on what was inside that 'brown paper bag'. The only other titles that might fit with the story are, 'Under the Bridge', or, 'What is the Toonie For'.

brendan said...

Sure! The title fits the story very well. Partly because that is what everyone else is saying and partially because i couldn't think of a better title. If the last line of the story had said something different, the title would not fit. The mans life was based on what was inside that 'brown paper bag'. The only other titles that might fit with the story are, 'Under the Bridge', or, 'What is the Toonie For?'.

Hayden said...

ok thats not fair, i wrote this out and then when i made an account it was deleted. oh well, here it goes the 2nd time. I hope you understand my plight.

The title is fitting only if this story is not extended. As it stands now the title is a good choice, chooing something of the detail mentioned in the story. But if this story were extended the title would be out of date instantly, since its importance is only of that day or night you are describing in the first 2 pages. But yes, its a fitting title, it is not too obvious nor does it raise any argumentative questions. example of a simple title is "the homeless guy who met a blonde haired girl" or one that is too confusing such as "what it means to be human" king thing. Get my drift?

Scott said...

The title "The Brown Paper Bag" does fit the story. The reason why is because it is the only thing that is in the spot light repeatedly.Things like the golden hair and the alcoholic man's home being under the bridge do not come up all that often or at least not as often as the bag does. Also I've been thought that the title should in some form resemble the main theme of the story.That is why this is such a good title for the tale.

Hayden said...

ok this is ches, I'm too lazy to make my own account.

I Agree and also am quite fond of the title. However, within reading the deep emotional story, i fully believe that the type of drink should be a stronger, more robust drink, such as whiskey, or even vanilla extract (the cheap stuff). With that said, i would also like to take this time to read deeper into the story, the fine lines. Within the depths of my intellectual being i realized without fault that the brown bag represents the the brokenness within the blonde haired man, as if they both relate similar to a metaphor.

Cody said...

Here goes being different and writing on the other question

I think you can tell a little bit that the author is a Christian, or at least someone with good morals, because if the author was not a Christian you could expect the man to possibly swear when realizing his bottle was almost empty because he is mad with life and trying to escape reality.

anonymous said...

i think the title is good, it is a good title becuase it is kinda main part of the story, the bag and the wine. this makes up most of the story, but it could have somthing somthing about the wine in the title too because that is even more important than the bag.

ryan said...

Yes. I think that "The Brown Paper Bag" is an appropriate title for this character sketch. I think that the brown paper bag reflects the main character and his journey through life. This portrayal becomes more evidant in the last two sentances where it says that the man wept and was alone and hurt. And then it says that the paper bag lay flattened DAMP and BROKEN. The same charachteristics of the weary, sruggling man man.

ryan said...

Without the last man!! Didnt mean to put that! Just pretend it's not there.

anonymous said...

sorry!!i meant to say "but it could have SAID somthing......."

ryan said...

Hey graham or (anonymous) ....ur spelling something wrong...u meant to spell that right too right?

ryan said...

Sorry, but i dont know how to delete comments, so can u also pretend that characteristics is spelled right. Thank You!

ryan said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
emilie said...

The title of the story is kinda fits. I believe that there is possibly a better more descriptive title to depict the overall life of the man. A title like "Bruised and Tattered." A title like this would set a little background for the man cause it's not like he just appeared under the bridge. There is something more. There is some deeper part to the man under the bridge. By using the title "Bruised and Tattered" we are given a little more understanding.

jocelyn D said...

'The Brown Paper Bag' maybe isn't the only suitable title but it is most certainty an appropriate title for this story. The story is about a man's life that once was everything he could ever want. Now that has turned to the bottle in the brown bag. I think that's how he could be viewed. A man trapped inside this living and there' no escaping it. At the end of the story the bag is damp and broken, just like that man. Broken.

Anonymous said...

I think that the Brown Paper Bag is an appropriate title for this story. The whole story revolves around the man and his alcoholism. everything that happens occurs as a result of his drinking. The little girl feels sorry for the man and she wants to give him money even though all he wants it for is more booze. The Brown Paper Bag is the man's life, it's all he has, so I believe that the title is fitting.

vicki said...

I like the title "The Brown Paper Bag". I think it's appropriate because it can be read as a simple connection to an aspect of the story without inspiring alot of thinking, while at the same time it can have a deeper reflection of the man in the story (like in Brittanies comment). So it's simple yet connective and still leaves room for interpretation while not forcing it. I think it's a good, balanced name and very appropriate.

Vander Heide said...

I think this title is fitting. It is simple, to really captures the essences of the story once you read through it. "Brown Paper Bag" gives a metaphorical meaning to the last line; "the paper bag lay flat, damp and broken", describing not only the bag, but life.

Eric said...

I think that the title was very appropriate becouse the brown paper bag came up in the few times within the story. I think it is also appriate becouse it kinda shows what the character is like, it shows becouse people that usually walk around in public that is drinking usually carry their alcohol around with them in a brown paper bag. Which shows the man that he is a drunk.

lorinda said...

I think the title is very apporiate because it suits the story. I really think that 'The Brown Paper Bag' is in the story which makes sense that it would be the title. In the story there is a few things I would change, but other then that it was pretty good.